I've recently found myself in this space where I feel like I have a clean slate. I understand that nearly everything has happened in my life, to lead me to where I am now. From the highs, to the lowest of the lows. To humble me, and to change the trajectory of my life, to be in alignment with my mission, and my higher self. In parallel paths, I am steeped in the knowing, and the clarity of what is to come. For the first time in my life, I've found pause.
Prior to this point, I would always have a goal in mind, with the thought that once I obtained it, I'd find some chill. However, that would never happen, I would just continue to push the bar further and further, due to constant discontentment. I came from the school of thought that "I ain't got no time to chill," if I'm not exactly where I want to be. Without even acknowledging, all that I had done, to get to where I was, in that moment.
We need the now, to get to the next. There is so much beauty in the learning process. The trial and error of it all. We find ourselves in moments we thought we'd never make it out of. Then surprise ourselves with our resilience, and healed behavior. Therefore, we can't afford to fast forward, while placing ourselves on auto-pilot, to get to "where we want to be." Which often times isn't where we'll end up, as our vision evolves along the way, in the ebbs and flows of your lived journey.
If we aren't living in our own today, what is tomorrow for? Redemption?
Redemption of all the days we had breath in our bodies, but failed to actually live?
I think one way that hope has failed us, is by giving us the acquired belief that one day a good day will come. Even if you have to wait through 80,000 of the bad ones. I believe that gratitude though, comes from a slightly different approach, as it'll help you to see the beauty in all the shitty days too, and not just the days that feel like happiness.
We don't have to wait for the end of our days to actually experience euphoria. Or even to start living. Unfortunately our lives are not fairytales, but often times they are better, because we have the ability to color our lives, the way we want to live within it. Every day, we have a set of choices that help shade our realities. You can either look through a limited glass half full perspective, wondering why everything is happening to you, and impatiently awaiting better days. Or, you can live each day you have, with a lens of gratitude, while understanding that everything happens for you.
I've always said, that while we can't change the cards we're dealt, we can change the way we shuffle and play them.
Below are two brief concepts to consider when seeking to break down the bloackage of your flow.
What really allowed for the scales to "tip in my favor," was my constant practice of gratitude, and the ability to see good in all, well, most things. Practicing gratitude, has shifted my lens,m from focusing on the things that I do not have, to appreciating the things that I do, and looking at them from a new lens. Of how much sacrifice has gone into my ability to live the quality of life that I have now, from all of my ancestors. To help heal an entire lineage of genetic trauma, because it was on their back, that I even have the space to worry about self over survival.
While the gratitude cup runs deep, I think its important to understand how small yet connect our lives are in the grand scheme of humanity. From the issues that are affect those in our community and culture, all the way to global anti-Blackness. I say all that to say, in the most polite way possible. You are not the only one going through something sis. While not to diminish what you are hurting and healing from, there is a way to see beauty in each day, that can help remove the dark cloud from above you.
"It just occurred to me that many people are afraid to heal, because their entire identity is centered around the trauma they've experienced. They have no idea who they are outside of trauma & that unknown can be terrifying."
- Ebonee Davis
3 quick ways to practice gratitude:
Repetitive verbal gratitude at designated time(s) of day
Keeping a journal of the things that you are grateful for
Outward expressions of gratitude: Tell the people you love (including yourself) how much they mean to you
You cannot control everything, in fact we don't really control anything. We are all merely living in our destined paths, and you can't control destiny. Living in the now can sound so scary, because many of us, associate it with running without a plan. Our whole lives we have been conditioned to exist on a schedule, and to always plan towards the future. While there is nothing wrong with that in theory. In practice, it makes us uncomfortable with the unknown, and unable to take our eyes from our vision, long enough to see our true mission. While I mentioned it earlier, unless you take your eyes down to experience the now, you will get to that vision and either it, or you will be nothing like you expected.
We cannot condition our careers, without giving ourselves that same level of nurture. I say this often, but we are raised from 0-18, we grow up 18+. When we are sent out into the unknown, and have to put together everything we've learned thus far. Therefore, if the only thing that we are focusing on 18+ is career (which is often times someone else's dream), we have missed out on a crucial period of evolvement. Fortunately for us, there is no time window on understanding one's self.
Living in the now, allows for you to become a learner, and lover of life.
3 habits to quit, to exist in the now:
Trying to control every single last thing, and being unable to function otherwise.
Spending so much time daydreaming about the future, that you don't spend any time in the now.
Harboring on the past, and ways you wish you could change or rectify certain outcomes. SN: Everything happens for a reason sis, you are exactly where you need to be!
Note: All of these things are healthy in balance