EXTRACTING THE LESSONS FROM YOUR LOSSES

With May serving me up SO many revelations, I wanted to utilize June to talk you all through, how I utilize them, and why they are so important to me. As well as unpacking some of the most profound revelations I had last month. Given that I lean heavily on them, and my intuition, to help guide me towards what's next.

 

In parallel paths, I believe that there is this misconception that this best version of yourself, is able to be unapologetically trash. While you should be unapologetic in who you are, you should also be taking the time to get to the root, of what's holding you back, from being your best self. This, is where that deeply introspective thinking comes into play, and where the majority of my revelations arise. 

 

I'll caveat this, by saying that there is no true abc way, to truly extract the lessons from your losses. However, below I created a list of what has worked for me numerous times in the past. I hope this helps! 

 

When going through a loss, I believe that the most important thing to do is to feel, and to process that, in the healthiest way you know how. Too damn often as Black women, we are told that we are stronger than our trauma and our pain. However, our "strength" and ability to feel pain aren't mutually exclusive, and our trauma shouldn't be silenced. On season one of Being Mary Jane, she came to her mother, confessed about the affair, and cried in her lap. Her mother simply responded "cry about it tonight, and fix it in the morning."  While you may take all the time you need, the cry about it tonight, gave us the humanness to just feel, so take your moment to process, sis! 

 

Perspective has been HUGE for me. While I am both firm in, and strengthened by my perspective, I also spend a great deal of time, trying to understand something from someone else's perspective. To see it the way they see it. Often times, when we have a difference in opinion, it's because we are placing our lens (the way in which we see the world) onto that other person. What we must remember, is that not everyone has taken in all of the same life experiences, to share the same perspective. Therefore, each of us could view/process the same exact situation, differently. 

 

When you are looking at your losses use perspective in two ways. First, if it involves another person, try to understand their perspective, in relationship to the role they played. This usually gives me the clarity, to quite honestly let that shit go. Additionally, try to see if you can find a glass half full perspective, to this moment that you're in right now? I also place emphasis on moment, because this trauma is not your forever. Even though you're hurting, is it possible that this is a blessing in disguise? Choose joy. 

 

For the past couple of years, I've been so deeply introspective, that there is nearly nothing that anyone could bring to my attention about me, that I haven't already analyzed. This also includes my involvement in issues with unfavorable outcomes. While in the moment, we may have felt that our positioning was right, take a moment to step back and take a look at it from another perspective as mentioned above. Take some time to understand what part you played, in making/allowing all of this to happen. Of course, this would not be applicable to moments in which you were victimized. #NoVictimBlaming.  

 

What can you do differently the next time around, if anything? Again, this is not really applicable to moments of victimization. Think about either what you can physically do differently the next time around, in terms of your role and involvement. You can also assess how you choose to respond to said issue. Maybe instead of immediately getting fired up, you decided that this moment won't kill or steal your joy. Or maybe next time, there won't be a next time, because you've eliminated either that toxic person, or behavior from your life. This, is where you are able to take ownership of your life, and your happiness. 

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