As Black women, society has condition us to plan our lives around our hearts and reproductive systems. Meanwhile, auntie, granny and every other Black woman in our lives over the age of 45 has affirmed it, leaving us to believe it to be true. 


If we make it past 20 with our wombs untouched, we're asked when we're having children, and once we make it past 23, we're asked where's our man? As if my scroll of life goals and accomplishments isn't enough to satisfy me. Or as if I am fractional until I find a man to "complete me." Or as if I didn't see them take shit from these niggas for years, just to say they had one. 


I am reclaiming my Womanness, because my existence doesn't revolve around men. In this reclamation, I am unapologetically putting me first. I am reclaiming the parts of me that my ancestors allowed men to have. My freedom, body, and time are all mine to do with as I choose, with whom ever I may choose. I am also shedding this inherited shame, because my only measure of morality is myself, and the moral compass I created and choose to abide by. 


To my sisters who are currently broken, or have been broken by men: we have all been there, but it is in these moments that you must remind yourself who you are. Now that your rose colored glasses are off, learn from your ways. Understand what you felt you were missing, and supply it for yourself.  Use this time to become closer to self, because in the words of my niece, "you are a strong independent Black woman who don't need no man."


Beyond not needing men, the idea of needing them turns into a daily internal struggle. For the women who are 30+, for the women who are taking subpar treatment from their current men, and the rest of us in-between. These thoughts though, pull us further from ourselves, as we quest for companionship. Rest in knowing that you are whole, alone.


I hope that this reclamation inspires my sisters to do away with fractional, emotionally unavailable, and misogynistic men, by putting themselves first and reclaiming their womanness. 


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